to wed

Yes. Mar has done it. We are engaged. Presenting out loud via facebook notifications.

People responded with their usual “congrats” and “its about time.” But I sincerely did feel the love and support even if it were in a text message or through the technological powers of social networking. Thank you. Thank my Lord and Savior for blessing with a job. Though it doesn’t come with the expected perks and benefits of being an RN, the fulfillment and thoughts of making a difference is a sure guarantee. So thank you double. Its a stepping stone, and now a days those stones are a rarity.

We have decided upon giving ourselves a special day. Away from our prior plans of having a simple and quiet wedding, we now hope for a celebration that is well deserved for the struggle and hoping we have walked blindly through in our relationship. Watching Say Yes to the Dress and constantly browsing theknot.com doesn’t help maintain the idea of “simple and quiet wedding” as well. So now we have it. Though far from being at platinum status, we do strive to make it as much as possible, an awesome day just for us and for the few many people that we know who actually give a damn.

-We aim for June 2011.
-Theme… color palette that I adore.
-Flowers… main focus is calla lilies, regular sized, minis, colored and white, and whatever else is in season/CHEAP
-Location… Sacramento, CA
-Liza: Wedding details
-Mar: Open bar.

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lunch

A good one with Danielle today. Boulevard Cafe is pretty good… super clean and food is especially good and totally afforable!

We talked about the jobs we don’t have hahahaha.

I understand that the need to cut back new grad programs are a must due the humongous debt our homes and lives are breathing through everyday. But it would be nice to achieve what you’ve been working for when you were suppose to get it. Get it? Everyone talks about how you’re suppose to work hard, finish school, do something with your life… and yet here I am on standby because the society that told me to work hard to succeed is actually keeping me at limbo because no one can afford to hire me.

Mar tell me just to get a temp job at Hooters. I prefer something medically involved. Perhaps being a dog walker would be fun.

Sigh. I’ll go read a book. Paint my nails. Make some coffee. Work out. Nap.

Lunch was good. It got one of those “Best of the Bay” award thingies.

yellow

A lot of things on my mind. One more than the others but still. All these thoughts doing triple axles in my mind as I’m wrapped up in my yellow Hello Kitty.

I need a job, time to grow up, and learn about real stuff. Just waiting for the opportunity to be a part of society. Praying for a job. Pllleeeeaaasse.

Fingers crossed and smiling like a kid with all my teeth.

roots

I blasted their hit collections on my drive to Borders the other day.

I got a few folks from the sidewalk waiting for the muni at sf state to move their heads to the beat as I was stopped at the light. Reminds me of high school and after. For that day under the sf sun, I was able to roll down the windows (but turn on a little warm from the vents of course) and breathe in the crisp. Most importantly I was able to jam to the music and remind myself of that love. Its the hip hop that the Roots just bleed. You can just feel the mix of rock and soul that they so comfortably add to the hip hop in your finger tips. My favorite.

I used to think underground was the way to go in my last years of high school. But I learned that its the music that you connect with on the most intimate level. Thats the way to go. No matter how famous or small the artists and his message may be, I know, I feel, I love whatever sound allows me to close my eyes and tap my finger. And my tastes have molded itself to the most sweetest and bittereeest, smoothest, rugged, heart dropping, pants dropping, soul searching flavors I will slowly enjoy and appreciate .I play no instruments. I have no talent to create music. But I know what I like, and I know how I feel. And that’s my own trend.

I told myself how I could give 2 shits about what CDs were left in my possession after my car got robbed (17th and Bryant… you suck). But what was left for me, scratched and skipping, I love you and thank you for letting me hear what I have forgotten.

shall I proceed?

Admitting that I enjoy watching the new Mtv show My Life as Liz.

First let me explain that I am definitely not a big fan of the tacky shows on this network. WITH THE EXCEPTION of True Life, Real World (( New Orleans and prior ONLY)), Road Rules ((only the first 4 or 5 seasons)), Unplugged and of course… Daria.

Could it be? Maybe this new show about Liz reminds me of Daria. Yes I may be a dork for writing about some show that I rolled my eyes at when seeing the previews, however this girl seems like her personality matches her look. I like that. It could be face and scripted, sure… but when a girl seems close enough to sincerely being herself, I likey. Her singing pretty much grounded my adjectives. She’s cute. She may be the media model for the rebellion against the pretty boobie gals everyone wants to be like. But hey, she looks good in lipstick and wrinkled clothing and her friends are good ones. Reminds me of when my dad told me I dressed like a weirdo, lesbian, drug dealer… lol he cracks me up. non of thee above ahem.

Keep it up.

Yes indeed.

if tomorrow never comes…

Will people know how much you care about them?
Will your pets know that they will be taken care of?
Do you fill content about the life you are living if somehow your time runs out tomorrow?

It only comes natural to me to think about life when there is death. I been through anticipated and unexpected passing, but both bring grief. Its a saying that people go through stages in life from being an infant, preschooler, grade school, adolescent, young adult, and to old old. But really what people forget to notice that its the 5 stages of grief that take a toll on your whole being.

Its hard to lose a friend, and even harder to lose someone you consider family. To add to the dulling pain of grief is accepting that death came to him unexpectedly. Where is the theory of free will vs. destiny? Do people choose to get sick? Do people chose to have their illness become terminal? Do people choose to put their families and loved ones through grief? I think that in my life, destiny takes the cake in pursuing the point… that not all the factors in life can be controlled. That science can only go so far, and then comes God. And there’s the unexplainable, which in this specific situation I chose to consider above all.

Mike was a great guy. I laughed and cried and annoyed with him. When he got sick, I looked at it through my rookie nurse eyes, that this condition can only get better. And it did. Then the ball just dropped. So I’m left with my only choice to make a difference. To be a wonderful nurse and to care for the ill as if he were them. To remember that he who has left the earth is not suffering, but suffering is left for those who he had left behind.

He left his family with the choice to pull the plug. His family who he had left in the caring hands of his friends.

But when he got what he was hanging on for, for her to come to him…. he left gracefully.

No plugs pulled, no machines shut off, no heart beat and no more tomorrows…

Just a man lead by his Lord and Savior

My soul finds rest in God alone: My salvation comes from Him.
– Psalms 62:1

We love you Mike. Thanks for the memories.

january

I like this month. Besides the fact that it is my birthday month, thank you very much… but the weather is a plus as well. I’m all about the light jacket and scarf theme. And the lighting outside is nice as well. Not so sunny, not too dark but nice enough to hide the flaws of the skin.

2009 was a good year. I was challenged and tested. I graduated, cried, got in shape (although I’m a bit off right now HA!), became an RN, and Christmas Institute was a success. Through all the stress and emotional chaos I had going on within myself, I ended the year in love with mar and my family. What else is there to rejoice about?

2010… not the best start. I’ll come back with the update.

“I believe in prayer.” We all should repeat that to ourselves and to one another.

Nillo turned 1 and Chewy is now 4. I love my dogs